Tag Archives: confessions

5 things that I do all the time to warrant a visit from Social Services

14 May

Relax. It's grape juice.

Mariah Carey and her husband were investigated by Child Protection Services earlier this week on allegations that the new parents were drinking and using drugs while still in hospital with their new twins. Truth: Mariah was encouraged by her health care professionals to drink a small amount of Guinness as the yeast in beer is known to help with letdown for mothers who are breastfeeding.

Here is a list of things that have happened on my watch that would probably have incurred a visit from CPS if I lived in America.

  1. There are no seat belts in the back of Thai taxis
  2. Child on motorcycle
  3. Child in tuk-tuk (see #1)
  4. I encourage him to talk to strangers and take candy from them
  5. Jungle elephant trek at 7 weeks old
  6. Some of the outfits we’ve dressed him in
  7. That time he got into the knife drawer and was wielding the coconut machete (that was on Daddy’s watch it has to be said)
  8. That time he got wedged between the wall and the mattress (again, Daddy)
  9. That slap on the bum he got after he’d run out into the road without an  holding an adult’s hand
  10. That time he cried himself to sleep (it took all of 120secs) because three bedtime stories is enough
I always found it ironic that the state will get involved if you deny your sick child medical treatment (as in the cases of the fervently faithful). Yet they don’t step in to protect kids whose parents are providing a diet and lifestyle that leads to obesity and a litany of physical and social disorders.
In God we no longer trust and don’t you dare interfere with my right to raise self-indulgent little brats.